Dear Organizzed,
Your welcome.
Thank you too, for addditonal well-informed and valuable inputs that you have provided with a view to recovery after traumatic situations. I whole-heartedly endorse your thoughts on to how to conduct life in the aftermath of unfortunate circumstances, and believe they will all work.
Coupled with what I wrote earlier I would like to simply add few more precautionary measures, some more practical insights hopefully, particularly with the view of protecting women and young students, as this is the prime targeted group for those renting out their spaces/ even employment, or any other way where these vulnerable groups are at the mercy of these people who bully and victimize.
These targeted groups in most cases do not have recourse to expensive legal settlements .
But if you are patient and resilient you will find a lot of resources are actually available! Unfortunately, many perpetrators get away, as they prey on these low-income groups who don’t know where to turn to when exploited, and would rather ‘let go’ than seek justice.
First of all my advice to ALL women, and students (esp if they are new to the country OR do not have other resources to live/work) is that
1. DO NOT take up residence/employment in dubious areas where there are no obvious previous positive records of appropriate and acceptable behaviour. In other words, the more recommended the landlord/employer comes, the better. Since my case was to do only with tenancy, I will harp on that and not employment. (however it is sad but true, since a while overseas now, I have seen that cases of extortion/harassment/exploitation/bullying/underpayment/sexual molestation and a host of other evils are occurring on a daily basis in our community where young students/women/those new to the country are exploited without qualms) While this is unacceptable and there are sometimes no means to avoid it, the PRIME and FIRST AND FOREMOST important thing to remember is that women and young students should NOT take such unacceptable behaviour lying down, esp to do with emotional or bodily harm to themselves their valuable property, when it happens. Fear, shame, embarrassment and the thought of “being an anomaly” should NOT deter you from seeking justice and alerting the community, because in most these cases where bullies and perpetrators get away this is exactly what they do in fact. They prey on the fear and shame factor especially for women, as women are more prone to feel this. I would like to tell all these exploited groups, that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this. You should NOT let bullies and molestors get away unreported. There is a law, and you should learn how to avail of it, in situations such as the one I experienced.
2. Next, do NOT trust someone blindly, simply because they are from your part of the world. Since my unfortunate experience, I am not saying this with bitterness but rather with practicality. The thought behind this is logical: Since this is not India, Indian laws, and Indian ways of life do not apply in legal and criminal situations in the U.S, so you must take ALL precautions in matters of residence/tenancy/employment and any other area, which impacts your personal and professional life. This is the SECOND reason why some from our community are able to fool others and get away. The MOST foolish thing is to believe that just because you are Indian and they are too, that these situations will not occur But they CAN and DO.
3. North Carolina Indian community women and young students need to get together to form a formal organization for this (and other) kind of abject abuse and violation of their basic rights, and protection of their self and property. If nothing else, it can allow them a platform to get moral support and legal guidance and aid.
4. All women and students coming from India and other countries, or those moving to other cities for employment etc, must do as many checks as possible BEFORE they enter that city, a. what are the Indian community and public organizations there like? Are there any formally organized state-recognized agencies that they can go to, to protect themselves and go seek shelter if abused/ ill-treated. Do they have trustworthy relatives they can turn to in emergencies, and if not, what are their means of shelter for immediate needs/resources for correct information/ legal recourses should unexpected situations occur? My two-bit advise to ALL women here: you NEED good community support : BUILD your network of reliable family members/friends and co-workers – as many people as possible- you can turn to- so that situations such as these when they happen you are prepared to face head-on without fear of discrimination and severe displacement.
5. Women and young students : Learn to be self-reliant, learn to drive the instant you have the right, learn to attach a trailer to your car, to drive a U-haul truck if you have to ! to move in an emergency, to move to safety. Learn how to change your car tire, learn as many skills as possible! You NEVER know when these practical skills come in handy.
6. Stay healthy, eat the right food and exercise regularly to be physically and mentally strong and alert. MOST IMPORTANT : STAY CALM in emergencies. Your calmness will help you focus on immediately necessary things. You NEVER know when these skills come to your aid. Lately we have been struck by a lot of tornadoes. While my situation could have very likely been like those of the displaced in a tornado, something else unexpected like this could strike your home and life any time, you NEED to know how to cart yourself and loved ones and possessions to safety in that case.
7. Get professional help and educate yourself as much as possible in ALL cases of safety/legal//accidents/insurance/ do not neglect these or take for granted that you ‘know it all’. These laws will be your best friends later.
8. Pay ALL bills on time, be a model citizen AT ALL TIMES, even when you are discriminated in any way, and are deeply violated. Ultimately your calmness, patience and good legal standing will come to your aid.
9. The WORST thing you should do is get into ‘bad credit’ situations. Spend only as much as you NEED not WANT. Learn to Separate the two. Luckily for me, my strong Indian saving and conservative thoughts re:money have come in very handy as I arrived in the US, at a time in its worst credit crunch ever in history. Learn how to fend for yourselves financially from the day you arrive. Don’t take loans if you don’t have to and can get by on your salary savings. The thought of having a great fancy car, big house or apartment right away is very attractive BUT if you cannot afford it, or can get by for a while, spending conservatively, DO it. Use your savings to buy cash down as far as possible. Also teach your children these values of spending only how much you need. The MOST imp thing is to stay abreast of your credit payments. If you end up with bad credit, due to unpaid bills, no-one will give you anything legitimate, no mortgage, not even an apartment, so understand the credit system well , stay well clear above ALL this debt problem (actually, most Indians are smart and I think they already do this, but still, you will be surprised how many have a hard time sticking to a budget, saying no to scams and attractive ‘deals’ while shopping, not realizing the value of those words ‘ IF ITS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS !” ) It is really EASY to stay well above the credit trap, trust me. If I can do it, so can you. ALL you need is a little discipline and cultivating good habits with money.
10. Stay well away from people with bankruptcy, bad credit and indiscriminatory spending habits and or any sort. This will damage your own creditworthiness ultimately.
If permitted, I will keep adding to this general list of ‘How to Protect Yourself in America from Bad Stuff’ – a handbook for dummies )) as further insights and forethoughts come to me . I don’t know how useful this will be or not ultimately to the general community. It may well be that I am a ‘dummy’ , for all that I’m saying here is just really basic, common sense for all its worth ..but still..it is aimed more at those who are new here and may not know how things work here, or to seek protection and justice from the law, may get duped, harassed, and may not know where to turn to for guidance or support and when they do, it will be surprising how these little simple measures will come back to help or harm them, depending on how they’ve conducted their day-to-day life.
Thanks! Readers’ feedback and any additions to the above are appreciated.
P.S : Manoj fan, it is enough that you have extended me your verbal empathy. Sometimes, in times of great stress and displacement a kind word can go miles. Thank you.
After all the guy has been really blasted off. Though he must be reading all posts but will remain silent. Well, the long list of precautions can be made really short if Indians as employers & landlords could be AVOIDED at all costs. Not a good idea to brand every one in one class but honestly, I have seen 'residual traits' in every one from all states, men and women both including my ownself and such traits surface only when we come in contact with another Indian brother and sister who either does not have a good job or is struggling or facing tough times. So if possible stay away from own fellow men. Some things never change.